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Collie Convert
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16-04-2009, 04:37 PM

those with kids...

A couple with a child split up. the father has more of a support network in terms of family. mother works unsociable hours and is not practical or fair to get childcare around them. child would get more attention and care from father and family than with his mum- and the only way she could afford to look after child is to work these unsociable hours.
if this was you would you consider letting the father have main custody? what are opinions on this?
and would you emotionally be able to do it?
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greyhoundk
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16-04-2009, 04:44 PM
Personally no. I would be looking for options regarding work - changing my job if need be, other support networks. I doubt if the child would understand the reason for going to the father (depends on age) and may see it as rejection. Its an awful situation to be in and i really sympathise
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kirstya72
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16-04-2009, 04:51 PM
As a mum I would like to think that my children would be better with me having main custody but if I am being truly honest with myself my hubby is every bit as good a parent as I am.
Since having them he has had as many broken nights and worries as I have and has been every bit involved as me. I too have always worked unsociable hours so he has done baths, bed, homework etc every bit as often as I have.
However my parents and brothers are around to help, his folks are not.
I think this situation should depend on what is best for the children involved and it shouldn't be assumed that that is always staying with the mum, it will also depend (unfortunately) on how acrimonious the split is between the parents.
I would like to think that OH and I could work out what would be best for our children between us but I know that for some families that proves impossible. My dad raised two kids on his own before meeting his second wife (my mum) when they were in their early teens and he was awarded custody due to their mum disappearing when they were very small, he did however have the help of a large extended family.
I haven't really been able to answer your question but hope my rambling is useful.
A truly difficult situation for all those involved.
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Collie Convert
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16-04-2009, 04:52 PM
child is 2
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Moobli
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16-04-2009, 04:52 PM
What a sad situation

If I were in that situation I would change my job/lifestyle etc to enable me to keep my son.

Having said that, my stepson lives with us and was brought up for the first three years of his life by his dad (my hubby) and has had an excellent upbringing. I would trust my hubby 100% to bring my son up if I were unable for reasons beyond my control.
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Fudgeley
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16-04-2009, 04:53 PM
I don't think I could ever let my OH have main custody. The kids have been with me forever whilst he has been mainly here at weekends since my youngest(now 8 ) was born. It is not his fault he works away,it was a choice we made together to enable me to stay home with the kids.It does mean however that I have been the principal carer and know every inch of them.

I think I would have to find a way around the situation to make sure they stayed with me. This would mean everything from moving house,heaven and earth.

I do know it happens though. My friend married an older guy and he was retired when they split up. My freind had to return to teaching full time and the children were awarded to him as he could provide the better care for them. It broke her heart.

In terms of the situation above, I would hope that the extended family would support the children regardless of who was granted main custody. This would then boil down to whether there was a way round the unsociable working hours of the mother.

A real dilemma but It would destroy me to not have my kids, they are my life!
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ClaireandDaisy
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16-04-2009, 04:56 PM
I brought up 3 children on social security + part time working (Dad walked out). When they were older I became self-employed to support us all. You don`t have to have luxuries with children, you need love + the basics.
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greyhoundk
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16-04-2009, 05:08 PM
Could the childcare be shared - would the child need to be with the father full time ? or is that not an option. So there would in effect be joint custody. I know things aren't always that clear cut but surely his family would want the best for the child and be willing to help with the childcare even if the child was living with the mother, for the childs sake.

Has the mother looked into what help she would be entitled to with childcare via working tax credit, this may help.
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Lionhound
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16-04-2009, 05:13 PM
Originally Posted by greyhoundk View Post
Could the childcare be shared - would the child need to be with the father full time ? or is that not an option. So there would in effect be joint custody.
I would say joint custody as a comprimise if she isn't in the position to have him.

Practically the dad being the main carer may make sense but it is a decision she would have to be able to live with for a long time.
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greyhoundk
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16-04-2009, 05:22 PM
I meant the mother being the main carer and the father and family helping out with the childcare etc. Sharing the responsibilites.
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