It good she has encouraged you in achieving the difficult goals you have had to face.
But ian you have done this and done it through your own determination.
I just think her behaviour is adding to your depression, because you are worrying about her.
Its great you have the confidence and i'm not trying to take away the fact of how much she has helped you along.
But you need to feel more positive about yourself and what happens when you no longer need her?
How are you going to feel or would you feel now if a different career came in.

Yes I can relate to your nan. When I used to walk and I was walking behind a woman, if I was getting too close I used back off in case she was worried. I just can't cope without worrying about people.

Same as the man that walks Blackie, he has some health problems, and I keep asking him if he is ok, not because he walks Blackie but because I don't want him to take Blackie if he is unwell.

I knew a lass twenty two years ago, she has moved to Portsmouth but I still wonder if she is ok.

You may be wondering if I need my head sorting out, you could be right, but I have always cared for people, it started with my mum at the age of about 6 years old, she used to have slipped discs and angina, she used have to lie in bed with her back, I used to make her drinks and take something up for her to eat, I often stayed off school to look after her. Then she had a aortic bypass and I jointly care of her with my dad, then ten years ago he was dying of cancer, we had him at home, we cared for him, me doing most of it as my mum was in a wheelchair. I cared for him for 12 weeks with no one coming in apart from the district nurse every day. then I have been the sole carer of my mum for 6 years until my mum passed away then all this started with me. Caring is in my blood, and now I bl**dy can't do anything!

Ian

Personally I wouldn't have another carer in, they don't do anything for me as it is, they just pop in and have a chat, ask me if there's anything I need doing, and that's it. Also the other carer's that come when this carer is off, I get on with them but it is a strained relationship if you know what I mean, and they just come in check I'm alright get the paperwork signed and go, they don't chat about things.

And actually this carer is looking for a new job as it is, so when she goes I am going to cancel them in any case.

Ian

Please don't under estimate yourself, you are alot stronger than you realise.
Most people including me wouldn't have coped with what you have so well.
Maybe when your out and about more, you will find new friends to be able to sit and chat with, either way you still have us lot!
I don't mean to cause any upset ian, but i think it would be better if more space was put in place between you and the career.
I think you will be affected in a negative way because you have got too close, you see her as a friend, which i can understand but she is a career.

Yes I agree and understand everything you all have been saying. The problem is I don't make friends easily, it took me about two month of seeing this carer 6 days a week before I could really talk to her openly. so going out is going to give me more space and opportunity to meet people I would never be able to make friends this way. Even meeting any of you from this forum, I am ok talking on here but come face to face and I would be a bag of nerves and very very shy.

She has tought me a lot about being around woman, before I met her, if I was out anywhere and a woman come and sat next to me I would move right out of her way, to respect her, but now I don't do that anymore, once I was fixing this carer's computer (it's her boyfriends) and she came and stood against me, and for the first time in my life I didn't move away.

Ian

I have to say this made me laugh, as last time I looked (and I'm sure all the other posters here would agree) I am a woman, and you chat very openly with us!

Seriously though I do understand what that meant, but many men wouldn't be as open as you are to us.

You seem to swing from being really positive to being very hard on yourself. I know you would love a lady friend of your own, but it really is true when they say you can't expect others to love you til you love yourself. Hold on to those positive thoughts.... you should make a list.... and give yourself a boost.

You are relying on her without realising it, esp when you say when she leaves you'll cancel your care anyway.... and as for your other carers not doing anything? Well you know my opinion on that agency really.

Yes it is true that I am relying on her, but it is more of a case of she is teaching me how to communicate etc with woman.

Also, she is fairly rare commodity in the younger woman of today (Not including you lot on her, you're all great) but she is very girlie, what I mean is she likes to wear skirts, dresses etc, she likes to wear pink and bright colours, she knows how to me a woman. when she goes out she has wears nice shoes, she uses nice dainty handbags etc. the opposite of today culture - scruffy jeans, baggy t-shirts, dark doudy colours, great big bags on there backs. If you know what I mean. I know we all have our own ways of living, When she comes in, she is always smartly dressed, clean tunic on every day, nicely ironed etc, the others come in in scuffy worn out jeans, scruffy tunics, not ironed etc.

I know these are just trivial things, but I was brought up to always be smart etc. Even when I started work, I was always in a shirt and black trousers. I made such an impression on the boss that he ordered everyone that they had to smarten up and to stop wearing jeans.

I think that is why I get on well, she has been brought up right.

Again I don't mean any offence to anyone but as I have said we all have different lifes etc and it would be a boring world if we were all the same.

Ian

I've ust realised something.

My mum was always very well dressed and young for her age, always clean and smart, even though she used to work hard.

Am I subconsously (sp) somehow connecting my mum and this carer together?

Both of them - Smart, All woman, Clean, hard worker, got a good head on, finance, work wise etc, both like to wear nice clothes, nice shoes and handbags, lovely hair, talkative, talented (carer used to be a top stylist at a hairdressers) my mum used to be in the cooking trade - worked in the NAAFI and the golden egg cafe's and various other places as the cook.

is it possible? I feel weird!



God I think I 've hit the nail on the head

Ian

This is getting very deep!

Could be right though.

My 96 year old little lady who loves me more than anyone has always said I remind her of her little sister in everyway. The difference between me and your carer is I noticed where that was going and so I went from going everyday to seeing her every other weekend as she was saying the other carers weren't like me.
They were, she was just putting me on a pedestal and not letting them in to get to know her.

Sound familiar?

I knew the other carers were just as good so now she has lots of favourites... plus it is nice to be needed, but not nice to be depended on totally at the exclusion of others.... and it's more of a treat for us both when I do go.

I have been wondering where my night time carer was, she has just been, at 10.45! she has been held up, a friday is always a busy night, she had 8 calls and out of them there was 5 baths to do, but one had the nurse in so that put her back.

They are very short staffed at the moment, my carer usually dosen't work saturday nights but she is this weekend and also working all day sunday, which is usaually a defiant no no. she is doing breakfasts, lunches, teas and bed time on both days. Starting at 7.00 on the morning till well whenever, could be this time on the night. Thant's another thing, working sunday's I don't think she wants to spend time at home, for example today she had a busy day but had time to go home and do some house work, but tonight she was taking her nephew to the shows, I asked if her boyfriend was going, she said "Nah!" and screwed her face up. so she might be working to keep out of his road.

Ian

Ian