Help !!! just had the most awful phone call.

With Mum.
As you all know she has been very unwell lately. I know she is in so much pain, but she has been so off with me and I know the issue is over the Home Help business which the 1st Hospital said she had to have, so I told her they could do her shopping as well I had done it for 20+ years after my Dad asked me to do it to help him out. I also have done all the Hospital appointments with her over the past 20 years for one thing or another. I told her nicely and calmly and explained it would leave us time to do nicer things like help her in the garden and go to garden centres etc., which she seemed happy with, then she gets a bee in her bonnet over something and she takes it out on me.
She was off with me yesterday and yet when she phones Gill I was there when she spoke to her she was fine with her. Just before I left her hairdresser turned up and I felt in the way I was on my out but was waiting for her to write Gordens Birthday card and finish a phone call with my Brother. She was chatty and laughing with her but had been cool towards me all day. I asked her earlier if she was ok as she seemed grumpy and had done for a few weeks now, and she said I am not grumpy and if I am it is because of this and that which I know but I just wish she talk and if I try to cheer her up it doesn't work.
I was feeling tearful by the time I left, we had a bit of a row last year over her nectar card long story won't go into that again.
I spoke to Gill later and told her what had happened well Gill has spoken to Mum this morning before she leaves to go to my Brothers for a week (Mum) and told her how I am feeling and it has resulted in Mum being so off with me again I am in tears and I had to put the phone down.
She has said some hurtful things to me again. I take this all to heart I am adopted and never before have I felt that I was until the past year, and I don't know what to do.
I have her bank card and a door key I feel like writing her a note and leaving them in the house for her while she is away and staying away now. I do everything and get treated like sh*t. I told her this is how she tells me her Mum was with her and she knows but can't seem to get past it.
Problem is she has a Hospital appointment later this month I feel like ringing her Doctor and saying I can't do it now and leaving it to one of the others to sort out, its not because I want to be petty its because I am fed up of being hurt time and time again. I feel we need some distance from one another if only to make her realise how much I do.
I have been ill in the past and she doesn't ring to see how I am it has always been Gill who has said has Mum rung you and then going back to her and saying have you rung Lynn she is really feeling low or not well then she rings, it usually doesn't go down well if you cancel going over.
The other thing is she use to give me £10 when I use to do the shopping to help with petrol costs fair enough and I accepted it now I don't. I say to her I don't want the money I will accept it if we go out to a Nursery as it helps with the extra miles and she likes to buy lunch which is nice too. That is now being thrown back in my face that I am wrong because I won't accept when I just go over to see her I said how do you think that makes me feel, so she tells me she is frightened of me and I am always shouting I am not I try to talk to her reasonably she just always seems up for a fight with me. So if at hers I walk upstairs or like today put the phone down mostly because I am sobbing so much, and I don't want to be goaded into a row with her. she is old and ill and I thought was my Mum.
Sorry for rambling just needed to get it off my chest.

Have a coffee Lynn and try not to upset yourself too much xxx Sometimes those closest dish out the most hurtful of comments - little do they realise how deep it goes.

As you say she is poorly and elderly, try to let it go over your head ( I hope you understand what I am trying to say )

Hugs from me x

Thanks I know what you mean.

helps to get it off your chest x

oh hun,

Big hug
Mums are never easy...

I have recently fallen out with mine as she is so hurtful

Maybe she feels she can be off with you because you take it and keep coming back for more....

Maybe that time apart will do you both good...give you a chance to realax and give her a chance to see just how much you actually do for her...

She may appreciate it then!

Alex
xx

She knows it's safe to be like this with you Not the least bit fair to you though.

What I will say is if you can try to rise above her remarks in later years you will have no regrets, I was a full time carer for my mum and although we got on very well for most of the time we did have our moments as we were only human On the other hand sometimes for your own self respect you have to say what you think.

No easy answer but much sympathy

She keeps saying she appreciates all that i do, just feels like she has it in for me most times. Her break away will do her good this week and I am going to back off a little.
She is 88 and has been very ill and still is and in a lot pain, but I have to keep my sanity and at the moment I feel like I am losing it.

You are right and to be honest we don't have many years she is 88 and has been very ill thats why I tend to keep going back because we do not know how much longer we have her, I would rather remember her being nice though than horrible, so maybe a gentle nudge will not hurt.

Oh Lynn, just come back from my weekly shopping/pension trip with my mum, and you would think that I specifically designed my car so she can't get in and out easily. Apparently the cushions I put on the seat for her are all wrong (they have been fine for a couple of years!!!) I have got the wrong milk (what she asked me to get), parked the car in the wrong spot, you name it. I know how you must be feeling, because I have come home wanting to do murder. Going to take girlies out on the river and watch the ducks and stuff and chill out. Get yourself off out for a long
walk and try and relax. I understand exactly where you are coming from, you do your best, you are far more patient than me, I won't even phone now for a chat as it turns into recriminations, I phone for a specific purpose then get off as quickly as possible, for my own sanity.
Have a nice walk, come home, and eat a bar of chocolate

Nothing to really add other than a hug Lynn., It soudns like you do a heck of a lot for her and she isnt acting like she appreciates it even although she says she does.

Hopefully the break away will do some good and she will come back a little more appreciative

hugs to you