Dog Visiting Our House...

Hello everyone,

My fiance and I are due to move into our first house in a month's time and are very excited.

My fiance is very close to his parents, who have a 3yr old lab. The dog is very humanised (something I personally don't agree with) and is allowed to do pretty much what he wants (climb on sofas/sleep on their bed/lick plates..etc). He is equal to them and they have never really trained him to do/not do anything at all.

The assumption is, is that he is going to to coming around to our house with the in-laws (they don't like leaving him on his own), and whilst I am not happy with it, I appreciated that I need to compromise as it is my fiance's dog too. I feel I should add that I am not a dog person, however I do like well behaved, obedient dogs.

As the dog does not know any rules or boundaries, I want to restrict where he is allowed to go in the house. I have been informed by my fiance and the MIL that this is 'mean', but at the end of the day, I do not want a massive dog jumping up on brand new cream sofas and hanging around the dining room table when we're eating.

Apparently the MIL is not 'into training' as it can be 'cruel' to dogs (again, I completely disagree with this and think that dogs need to be mastered).

Can anyone recommend a good way around this? I was thinking of having the dog round one afternoon and training him to use a dog bed and to stay away when there is food around, but I don't think the MIL would let it happen if she found out. Am I being unreasonable?

Thanks in advance,

Shelly

your home, your rules.

I don't think you are being unreasoanble at all - many people would just a flat 'no' the dog isn't coming to our house.

Dogs are like kids in that just because one set of people (e.g. parents) let them get away with something, doesn't mean that they won't listen/respect a more authorative figure.

I would suggest though that your really, really need to get your OH on your side. If he's in the 'with his parents' camp, you are on a hiding to nothing and it will just cause a lot of upset and hurt between you and your OH.

If he agrees, between the two of you there is no reason why the dog can't learn not to get on your furniture and to lie down peacefully while there is food around (though given that he is a lab, this will probably be the hard part)

And teaching an older dog basic manners is easily do-able. My older bitch was about 6 years old when she came to me - she had evidently been used to getting on furniture and pinching any food lying around. It didn't take long for her to get the idea

But when training don't forget to make it fun for the dog. He needs to want to do what you ask him to do. As an example, when you are eating, you could get him to lie down in a corner with a kong (if you don't know what this it, it is a kind or rubber dog toy which you fill with different treats).

Good luck, never easy when you have a differnce of opinions to the in-laws (or future in-laws in your case)

Thank you for the reply.

It is difficult as he is just as soppy over the dog, but I have explained to him that it is a case of respecting rules when you are in another persons house!

He said that we need to be diplomatic as his Mum is so protective over the dog, but I feel I would have to put my foot down if he came over and misbehaved. His Mum may not like it, but I do not want him running riot around the house, particularly as everyone is expecting our cats (which we are getting when we move in) to be put upstairs out the way when he is around, but won't let me keep him in one room downstairs?! Seems like double standards to me!

Thanks for the tip about the kong, I think that might be a good way forward! The only obstable will be if the future MIL refuses to let me be firm with him in our own house, which I fear may happen...!!

I don't think you're being unreasonable - as you say, you are not a dog person but are ok with well-behaved dogs. I get what you are saying about the in-laws dog having no training but there is a difference between "mastering" a dog (comes from the old-school, dominance based thinking) and training one.

For example, Poppy (my terrier) is currently laying on the back of the sofa behind me because we are having a lazy day and not much is going on. That said, if I told her "off" or "bed" she'd be off like a shot to her own bed leaving us well alone.

You'll either need to train your in-laws dog to go to a bed and stay there (like you suggested) or put up baby gates and confine him/her to the kitchen (for example) or any room you think is ok.

Perhaps, if you sneak a bit of training in the in-laws will see what they have been missing and do some more - they may thank you for it in the end!

How much exercise does the dog get? Could you (as a family) take him on a long walk before he comes to your house so he is tired and less inclined to jump on things?

Hope you find a solution that works for you all!

Ali x

In that case, your answer is that unfortunately, the dog isn't welcome at your house!

You're right - it's completely double standards to expect you to move your pets out of the way, so her pet can run round your house!!

Ok - word of warning. Never, ever, correct a child or pet in front of its owners / parents. Not unless you want to start WW3.
It will be unfair to the dog if you start punishing him for behaving as he has been taught to. Yes, you can ask the owners to restrict him - but it is not down to you to retrain their dog.
Take on the owners - not the dog!

One other solution for you - though you may not like the look in your perfect new house - is baby gates.

I think these might be a particularly good idea for your cats when the dog is there - babygates mean that cats can get in/out and dogs can't! Might be particularly useful for your stairs.

ETA - ps, stick around and who knows, we might make a dog person of you yet

This is exactly the sort of dog I like! Hehe. Unfortunately, their dog is equal. i.e. The other day my OH went out to the kitchen and whilst he was gone the dog went in his seat. When he came back, he actually sat on the floor because he didn't think it nice to move the dog?! It just seems crazy to me that he is allowed to get away with so much! It is for this reason that I am anxious about him coming round.

The dog gets about 20mins two to three times a day, but I think a good walk before they come over would be a worthwhile idea!

When we have the dog to ourselves I like him as I am a bit firmer with him (don't let him barge through the front door before me after we have walked him, make him sit whilst I open the front door until I tell him to go...etc) but it's just the way he is treated by the IL's that drives me mad!

Unfortunately I have been told that there is no way he is going to be confined to a room if he comes around (I initially suggested he stay in the kitchen) as it is 'cruel'. My OH is also quite protective over the dog, which makes things a bit more difficult...!!

Yes i'll have to be careful, but at the same time, if my parents are over for dinner at the same time, I don't want to dog stood next to the table waiting for food (which is what happens at their house). Can you train a dog to behave in one way at one place? E.g. Could I make him behave properly in our house, even if he is allowed to continue with the behaviour at home?