This is so ace! I have been laughing my way through the whole thing. Should give publishers a phone.. they did a book on the 'cockerpoo' after all! i seen it in pah.

Deedee xx

Basset Hounds[B]

All of them are called Fred or Flash. No need for exercise, they just hate it. They welcome everyone in the house. Great with children. Ideal dog for flats or people who work all day.

Border Terrier.
Brown dogs designed to look like Hedgehogs and act as "brillo pads" for cleaning the oven.

Ah now that is slightly different to the Essex understanding of the Border Terrier which is

'Probably one of them Jack Russell crosses. Small brown terrier snappy and scruffy.'

I had no idea of their oven cleaning properties... Does explain their colour though

Springer Spaniels, come ready trained and need no work. Are such cute and endearing puppies, but need to be replaced when they get slightly wide around the middle and get notty ears. Come ready programmed to fetch the newspaper/post/slippers to his loyal master, always is male and have manage to survive four hundreds of years with no female counterparts hence why always reffered to as "aint he lovely". Is quite content to sleep on the heart rug, infront of your coal affect fire..maybe with an ageing labrador or dignified hound for company. Doesn't need a lead as should plod along by your side, and is naturally a swimmer so is fine being left out in the rain. Springer's tend to look best on the end of a rope or leather slip lead, don't bother with a collar..they don't need one, and strangulation from the lead is fine. Look par excellent when walked in wellies! Anything with a tail isn't a real springer, and must have some labrador or collie in it. Anything that doesn't have a pokey face also isn't a real springer. A black and white 'un is a collie/springer cross. And if it is heavily coloured rather than almost totally white, you guessed it..you're a liar and don't have a springer! They don't need anything to do other than to be given a tennis ball, and need a whicker basket with brown ceramic dog bowls Yet contrastingly is too manic and a working dog so needs to be kept outside, and just looks nice at the wooden farm style gates with a lab and a collie.

-all have been said to me over the past 3 years-

Harlequin Great Danes-throwbacks from Dalmatians! Big out of control beasties

PMSL!

I had one of those as a kid!

That is Comedy genius! PMSL and then some! Well done ;o)

Hahahaha, so true, well done xx

omg this thread is so funny. im just loving it.

Thikipaedia Appendix (2): Recreational activities
Dog Clubs
There are 2 sorts of dog clubs
(a) Sad Dog Clubs
This is where you have to walk round this church hall while some old bat moans at you. But it`s good place to send the kiddies if its too wet for them to walk the pitbull outside.
(b) Proper Dog Clubs
Usually run by ex-police who know what they`re doing and wear black and stab vests and that. And they have proper dogs not girls dogs. And you all go down the pub after.