Bullying is terrible and hopefully you can get it sorted, poor Oscar.

As others have said, this boy is only 6 years old and more care should be being taken to not label him the bad kid or the bully at this young age. He obviously is struggling and is needing help but to label and pidgeon hole this child is wrong. His behaviour is bullying but he is not a bully.

At least your boy has you to love and comfort him, what does this other wee fellow go home to at night? I am so sorry for you all.

I am very anti bullying I was subjected to bullying to such an extent that I attempted suicide at 15. I would do everything in my power to protect them.

HOWEVER as much as I feel sorry for Oscar my heart is going out to the other poor little boy. Being excluded like he is is a shocking way to address his behaviour. If anything it is only going to make him worse. He is only 6 years old for goodness sake!!!

Yes. I have normal pet insurance on all fo them and an extra policy for the dogs who are taken into achool. It's costs a small fortune but worth it IMO.
And yes I also have a current CRB check, even though I wouldn't be working with any of the children alone.

The school have decided what "punishment" to dish out to this boy. He has hurt a lot of children this past week, not just Oscar (althoguh Oscar does bear the brunt of it). Last time he was excluded from PE etc he did 1-2-1 work with his TA at the time.

A member of the teaching staff told me that because of this boy's behaviour over the full week, they considered the best course of action in the short term would be to have him in school without allowing him to go round to the playground before lessons started and wouldn't be released to his grandmother in the playground afterwards (as she has no control over him). Something he does on almost a daily basis is run down the school drive and hide around the corner of the church hall. Then when Oscar (mostly) and a few other children who he's taken a dislike to come past he kicks and punches them. He thinks nobody can see but the school office staff can see him on the CCTV cameras/monitors they have in the office. This is part of the reason.

Another parent told me he'd be excluded from all potential physical contact activities. This also has been done before and he has extra work with his TA during the PE/games time. During break/playground/lunchtimes, he has to sit with the Head in her office. He's scared stiff of her and hates going in there, even just to show her if he's done good work.

The school have dished out these punishments before and they've not had any lasting effect. So what's the point.

He certainly needs something but I think more constructive sanctions would be appropriate. i don't accept that he school has dealt with the issues properly as firstly it's been going on for 2 years. There are other children whose parents would quite easily see this boy physically hurt in the same way that he's hurt their children. I admit that I've ranted and vented here but I woudl never see a child hurt. Plus, I would never say out loud what I actually think. But some parents at the school don't think before they speak.

I did think to begin with that when the school told me he'd lost his Mom and his behaviour deteriorated further, that there may have been somethign about me that reminded him of her. That along with the fact that Oscar still has me would, I think, make it worse for the bully adn to see me turn up every day to collect Oscar would almost rub his nose in it, so to speak.

But because this has gone on for so long now, I don't think that's it.

Part fo the problem is that the school only tells me what they think I want to hear. What I'd like to know is what external help has the school arranged for this boy? Clealry they can't deal with him and although the TA who works closely with him is excellent at what she does, she can't be with him 24/7.
External agencies should have been brought in at the start fo all this. I don't know for sure that they haven't but I have no reason to think they have either.

Until the bully is removed permanently from school I won't be happy. I agree that it will just displace the problem and I wouldn't want any other child or parent to go through what we've put up with. But maybe a different school would be able or willing to deal with him in a different way.

I've run out of ideas now. I don't know what else I can suggest. I do knwo that this boy's grandmothers haven't put forward any ideas to help the situation.

Maybe when the bully's Mom died and his father decided he either couldn't or wouldn't cope with him, he should have been adopted out. His immediate family aren't that bothered with him. Maybe had he been adopted back then he'd have had the stability of a loving home with people who genuinely care about him and wanting to help. But then I do know it depends on where he'd end up. My older brother was born when my Mom was 16. He was adopted at 6 months old. he found my Mom when he was 29 (I was 23 at the time). Since that time, little by little we've found out how bad his upbringing was.

My Mom saw the bully with his grandmother at the local shops yesterday. SHe dropped some of the change out of her pocket adn he helped pick it up. He was very well mannered and smiled when he spoke to her. So I think there is room for improvement and if he gets the right help then yes, he can be turned around. But I also think that if it's left much longer, he'll be beyond help.

To be honest.....this child sounds like he needs some serious intervention to HELP him.

i know it is hard when your child is involved but imposing sanctions or moving the problem on will do no good what soever.He needs some positive behaviour management tactics from a specialist outside agency. They would advise the school on how to deal with it and he would have a Independent Behavioural Plan that would set goals and targets.

I don't suppose you will ever find out what school is actually doing from this point of view as any intervention strategy will be private.Just as your child's progress and needs would not be discussed with other parents.

Allowing a child to access possible physical contact times with others such as playtimes and P.E can be managed with the correct support and staffing.

I only hope the correct strategy can be put in place for this little poor before he is written off entirely, another child who will end up being passed from pillar to post.......

I also sincerely hope the school manages to sort something soon so that your son does not have to suffer any more.I am sorry if I sound overly protective of the other child involved but I have professional insight into this sort of situation and it is a subject very close to my heart....

I don't think anyone is being over protective of the bully or Oscar. I accept fully that there are some who have much more experience of this type of thing than I do and also professional experience too. I don't have that. My experience of working with children has been very limited in comparison and with regard to work, I've never dealt with bullying, although I have worked with children with SEN for a short time.

Maybe excluding the bully from schol isn't the answer for him would it would solve the problem completely for Oscar. Aside form that, the Local Authority have to provide education from the 6th day of exclusion (legally) so even if he was chucked out, the following week he'd be ina classroom environment somewhere.

I found this on the BCC website. Now I consider what he's doing (no one incident but all of them together) to be serious breaches of their basic good behaviour policy and anti-bullying policy. I also believe that keeping him where he is will seriously adversely affect Oscar's progress educationally.

"The decision to exclude a pupil is made in response to serious breaches of a school behaviour policy and where allowing the pupil to remain in school would seriously harm the education or welfare of the pupil or others in the school."


Last year Oscar fell behind quite badly with his reading and writing. When the bully was off school for 2 weeks (through illness, not exclusion), Oscar started to catch up and did really well. When he returned to school, Oscar went downhill again.

So as far as I'm concerned (obviously I'll have to do quite a bit of work on this to justify it further) the conditions laid down by BCC for exclusion have been met and this is the angle I will aproach the school with. I am expecting contact with them tomorrow to sort this out further as it seems to me nothing is being done properly. I don't think they've considered that Oscar may need help. They seem to be focussing on helping the bully who although he needs it, certainly doesn't deserve it - at least not before the children he's bullied.

BCC have recently changed their website because a couple of months back there was NO info on education, their services, policies or who to contact if there's a problem. Now they've put on there more info than I need to make some very big waves at school.

I feel differently to some others - I'm amazed you are managing to be so controlled and understanding. If it were me, with my child being hurt and bullied, I don't think I would be so accommodating and I would certainly not be thinking about the care of the bully. I would take the view that my child should not be made to live a crap life, through no fault of his own, while reasons are found for the behaviour of the other child or help is being sought for him. Children's lives are seriously affected by bullies and I would want my child protected immediately.

But in most good schools the two would happen at the same time. It is not an either/ or situation.In fact the school should have a clear anti-bullying policy(legal requirement) which should be being followed. I would be asking to see the policy and check that it has been adhered to. If not then there are grounds for a formal grievance to the Governor's who would have to investigate. Meanwhile the school should be looking at the needs of all the children involved on an individual basis.It is not just about this one individual.If the school's policy is failing( the policy is about preventing bullying) then that is something that needs addressing quickly.

Hope everything is sorted soon......I have personal experience of having a child bullied....I was also responsible for developing our school's anti-bullying policy when I taught full time......

I agree! I would expect this from a school. The two should happen at the same time in the school but as a parent, my priorities are my children and I would - and will (should it ever be the case) - do my best to see to it that they do not suffer from bullying. I was looking at my little girl tonight and I could not stand to see that lovely, happy smile diminish or her natural zest for life kicked out of her through bullying.

Good on you for working on an anti-bullying policy!

With regards the bit in bold....thats not always the case. Our FS got permenant exclusion from his Junior School in March this year......no other school had a placement for him, he had to have someone from LACES here everyday for 2 hours and then went to a challenging behaviour unit for the rest of the time.
This child is a bright educational boy working on levels 5, and his behaviour severely suffered to an extent that I had to have him extra support workers & resources put into place here at the home. He went through severe emotional moods, threats both physical and mental states, he was confined to the house from 9 to 3.30, he became a danger to himself and sleep patterns changed so dramatically that we were taking it in turns to stop up during the nights. his levels dropped to level 3, he challenged everything, we had tremedous temper tantrums, we had to watch him 24/7, we had to use extra tax payers money for extra respite carers to give us weekends off....and we were exhausted
He started with a clean slate at Senior School in Sept (although they are fully aware of everything) he has done 6 full weeks and his levels are climbing back to 4 & 5s
Obviously this isn't your child....he only has us...no motrher or father or family.....good job he did have us, because he's 11 and nearly went over the edge
They are indeed.....and children with no-one behind them to back them emotionally are seriously affected too.

I look at my boys and Pats children they are all grown with children of thier own....our 9 Grandchildren...I look at them with love and caring, and I want to protect them.....but then I look at our FS who has no-one but us....and I ask myself, if our Grandchildren didnlt have us the Grandparents and thier parents......would they behave like stable well behaved children.
I look into the eyes of my FS and now I see a sparkle and shine of Belonging