Well here's what you do, you call her and tell HER how much you value her, DO IT NOW...Im sure she will be very pleased to hear you,
Just try to stay away from the subject matter you cant agree on for a little bit OR agree to disagree

Oh Nic I hate that word 'outsider'..... I far prefer 'individual'

I don't have any really close friends either. I live away from where I grew up and as I dropped out of school at 15 didn't carry the ties that some do. I recently found some old friends on 'the book of the face' etc, and they were so pleased to hear from me but tbh I haven't replied to their e-mails with updates as just can't be bothered..... and that is probably why we didn't stay in touch in the first place! lol

I'm like that with Xmas cards, I send them to my real friends, not just people who I only ever hear from at Xmas when they send a card etc.

I am also an only child and am happy on my own.

If there are major differences then we probably wouldn't be friends in the first place.

I also count some on here to be far better friends than those I see everyday.

I have some very close friends that live a long way away and some very close friends that live nearby. We are very similar in lots of ways. The people I have stayed friends with for decades are people who I do have a lot in common with and I have to admit I look for that now and so probably have fewer friends than I used to have.

When my son was young I got friendly with a couple of other mums and we were VERY different (they didn't know each other). We got on because of the children and I enjoyed them being different to me (and to each other, one was very house proud and very 'look what I've got' which isn't me and the other was a happy clappy who kept trying to convert me on the quiet...which was never going to happen). Anyhooo....we went our separate ways and I was really upset at the time, but it taught me a lot.

Generally with me, once I am your friend I consider you to be a friend for life so going through that with those 2 mums made me step back and assess....now I tend to only get 'friendly' with people who I know I will stay friends with as we have lots in common, aside from children. Don't get me wrong, I'll talk to anyone who will listen....but that doesn't mean I consider them to be friends...


Sorry I've gone on...in short, I think the fundamental things have to be in place for any relationship to work, friends or otherwise...you must agree on all the basic stuff, your principles if you like and all the other stuff doens't matter. You can argue then....but always know that at the core, all is well.

I've done that, Shona, I've sent her a text. Hopefully (again) we can agree to disagree and move on. We'll have to see.

Thanks.

I know, Becks, 'outsider' is not a good word to use, although it's true. I'm just different from the normal folk my age, I guess. An individual, like you say.

I joined a site like "the book of the face" and found some old schoolfriends. However, like you, after the initial 'hellos' etc, that's really been it, we've got nothing more really to say to each other as we lead very different lives with regards to them being party people and some have babies and are married! I'm just not like that, I'm afraid, and I'm not going to try and be something I'm not.

Although we have different lives, we do have a lot in common. It's a strange one but it does work, or works most of the time!

There's nothing wrong with being an only child, I just think that it hasn't helped me, if you get what I mean.

Anyway, nothing more I can do really. I'll just have to get on with it!

I hope you hear from her soon and get it all sorted out..

Well, I am very much a "loner" as far as friends are concerned. I come from a big family (one of five 'kids' -I'm the youngest at 43), have a fantastic Mum (who I absolutely adore and is the best friend any girl can have - we talk about any/everything) so don't feel a desperate need for friends. However, my Best Friend ever and I have been friends for over 20 years. She emigrated to Aus (married an Aussie) last year but she phones regular (for 2-3 hours at a time ) and we email and she has been back for a visit in September. We really understand each other, we don't and never have, encroached on each other's lives. We have had some awesome times (went travelling together when we were in our early 20s) and my Daughters were her Bridesmaids but we never 'cross' the line. We have mutual respect and that is so necessary in every relationship.

Other than her, I have had many 'hangers-on' over the years. That sounds nasty but I cannot bear people dropping in for coffee every day, inviting me to their house all the time, making me feel awkward, etc., so I have had to 'dump' alot of friends over the years, as I don't want to LIVE with these people but it's like they get addicted or something and won't leave me alone. I just like to have a companion occasionally not a substitute sister or something

Anyway, what I'm trying to say through all my waffling is, if you are comfortable with a friend, can speak your mind and do your own thing without interference and judgment, then they are a friend worth holding on to. For me, anything beyond that point is not worth it, so I'd be waving goodbye to them, if the relationship is not a happy one. To me, any relationship that makes you unhappy is not worth it, so I get rid

If you miss your friend, I would invite her to meet for a drink and have a frank discussion about whatever made you fall out in the first place. Hope it works out for you

Oh, I'm soooo with you on that statement! I suddenly realised one day, that I had loads of acquaintances, but very few REAL friends, and real friends are like pieces of gold. These are the people who will drop everything when you need them, or rally round if you're ill, and as time goes by, you get to know exactly which ones these are, and there's not many left when the stakes are high I can assure you! Even my very best, closest friends don't live in my pocket, I just hate that, and they know it. They know when they can phone me to pop round, they would never just "pop in" (well, one of them does!Lol!) and they know how often they can ring me for a chat, which means about once a week thankyou and nothing sooner! I'm lucky that I have my mum too, who of course is my very best friend, coz she's on my wavelength and knows me better than anyone possibly could, so obviously we never argue, well I do, she doesn't! I cannot live without my best one or two friends and never have, whereas my o/h hates friends, he only meets them when they're going off racing or something, apart from that I'm his best friend, the same as he is for me.

I can't live without my friends, but I wouldn't want to live with them, and when you don't live in each other's pockets, or encroach on one another's space, or get in each other's face, then when you do go out or meet up, you have something to chat and laugh about, you wouldn't possibly argue with them, why would you? I don't think I can recall ever arguing with any of my friends apart from when I was at school, but you see, back then, you had friends who lived in your pocket didn't you, whereas when you're older and wiser, you don't really need them as constant companions. It's nice to have your own space, your own life, to see different friends for different times to do different things with, so that's what I do, I kind of spread them around for when I need them or want their company, otherwise I don't bother, but they know me, they accept that, and ring me when they feel like it, so what's wrong with that? I'm always being asked to this, that and the other by various "acquaintances" I meet every morning in my village, but I never turn up, then they ask my why, and pester me, and quite honestly that gets up my nose, coz I don't class them as real close friends who I want to spend my valuable spare time with but I couldn't tell them that could I!

When you're on your own entirely, it's a different kettle of fish, if you're the type of person who needs people, then of course, a good friend (or more)is valuable and you probably want to be with them most of the time, but maybe they don't want that, and feel you're trying to live in their pocket? As I said, I wouldn't like that, a kind of clingy friend, I'd probably run a mile! Friendships are in a way like a good marraige, you don't have to try that hard to make it work if it's right, it sort of flows, which in turn means you won't argue, you'll be too busy enjoying the friendship and everything that goes with it, whilst you're doing stuff together.

If a friend of mine had a different opinion on something, I would respect that opinion, ask her why, then explain why I had my own opinion, but I'd never argue about it and risk losing him/her, I'd just never bring that subject up again knowing it was a sore point in our relationship. If a friend of mine went off in a huff over an argument about something, I'd leave it at that quite honestly, she'd soon come round if our friendship was worth saving if it was her fault, but if it was my fault, then I might bring myself to apologising if it was something silly and I felt like I could, otherwise, I'd kiss it goodbye quite frankly, I don't like people who want to argue, life's too short, I'd much rather be happy and enjoying life with someone who felt the same way, I couldn't be a5sed! Lol! I'm a strange person though, I'm surprised I have ANY friends quite honestly!!! Do what you think is right, for the result you want hey?

Thanks for all the help, guys, it really is appreciated.

I've enjoyed reading both your posts and have taken things from it.

Lovely to hear you both get on so well with your mums.

Anyway, we're going to try and progress and hope for the best really.

Thanks again.