Oh Christ Lynn, there's no let up for you is there!!! Sorry I missed this I can't quite work out when this happened, but I think it was yesterday? There but for the grace of God.....

You are right to take a step back this time, but if I know you, it won't be long before you're to-ing and fro-ing with everything she needs, plus sorting out those docs and nurses on her behalf!!! Oh Lynn, I am so, so sorry to be reading this just when I thought it had been so quiet from your end too.

When my mum only fractured her hip, they did nothing, there's nothing they can do, but of course it made her totally immobile, she just laid in that hospital bed, ordering the commode every 10 mins, and when she stood up to move onto it, she just shook from head to foot, because of course, they are terrified of falling again, and I suspect your mum will now be the same, so don't be surprised if this has happened by the time you do visit. If the shoulder is broken, then they obviously can pin it, but I'm sure I'm right in saying they can't do anything with the hip until it's actually broken, like my mum did the next time she fell after fracturing it. Quite honestly, she'd have been better off if she had of broken it, coz the way they pin it all back together with 4 big pins it's stronger than ever, whereas with the fracture, it is sooooo painful, that I do know from watching my mum.

Sorry also to hear that Gill missed her scan, she shouldn't have done that, but it doesn't surprise me, but don't YOU feel guilty because of it, you have every right to take a step back with all that you've been through.

When this is all over, we're all going to get together for a nice break somewhere on the strict instructions of your Gordon, but when I win my million pound house maybe this week, you can all come down and relax there, there's plenty of room!

Keep us informed of what's going on Lynn, I'm sure you'll need our support to help you get through this. Rant away, or pm me anytime, I'm always here for a good listen, coz I've been here so many times this past 2 years just like you have.

I know it's early Lynn, but when you see exactly how she is in there, I would strongly advise you to book an appointment with the social worker of that particular ward, because once they're in hospital, especially with something like this, the choice really is YOURS as to what happens to her in the future, if you feel she won't be able to cope on her own at home, and they take 6 weeks to write her name on the clipboard those social workers, so if you leave it until she's almost ready to be discharged you'll have another 6 weeks to wait and you don't want that. It won't hurt to see the social worker in a week's time if only to answer any questions you have, because quite honestly, no matter what you say to the staff nurse or the sister, all THEY want is her bed when the doc has discharged her, whereas the social worker has HER interests at heart. Take note of this Lynn, it's taken from my new Bible I have on my desk!!!!

Big breaths then.......... xxxxxxx

Lynn leave them to it then.
At the end of the day you can't stop anyone doing something they want to do. Be it trot into the garden to feed to birds (as one of my ladies did falling and hitting her head on a brick), be it eat food that is so far out of date (I threw some eggs away in one lady's fridge that said best before 17th Feb, as it was Ocotober at the time I was guessing they were out of date! lol), or even let them go home from hospital when clearly not safe to do so.

We have often had clients go into hospital, want to come when we know it is unsafe, they tell the hospital they have got care sorted (cheeky monkeys) in that situation we can withdraw and I will ring the hospital to let them know there is no care. Again if they want to come home, it's up to them.... but it doesn't mean we or the family have to enable them to do that.

Unless they are sectioned (been there for that many times before and it has to be pretty serious for that to happen)they can legally do what they want...... and even some who don't get to go home just cannot learn or realise what is safe or unsafe.

I had a lady like that. Just could not get through to her that she had to wait to go to the loo until we got there or she had to use the commode right next to her. She would toddle off, often without her frame and constantly be on the floor.
In the end she went into a residential home..... and was found dead on the toilet floor as she still didn't change when in there. Remember even in homes they can't legally restrain in any way, not even lock the doors to prevent them getting out. (Totally impractical but that's the law).

It's no different when we take risks with our lives, like smokers, they know it may well cause or contribute to their deaths but they still do it. Crossing the road, flying, all have risks..... but to try and tell an oldie what they've done all their lives is no longer safe may well fall on, selectively, deaf ears. I can imagine I'd be the same lol.

One of my ladies once explained it well. She did say, 'If I have to give up doing EVERYTHING for myself, I might just as well give up living, as that is what I'd be doing'. So I can see it from their point of view.

Just sit back and remember she is her own person. What we all know to be safe/unsafe etc is still her decision... and whilst I know you will still worry & frustration, don't feel guilty at not saying or doing anything.

So sorry I missed this yesterday Lynn. Big hugs to you, I hope your mum makes a speedy recovery. xxx

I missed it as well Lynn, hopefull everything has gone well with your mum 'tho it is you I am feeling heart sorry for at the moment.

(((hugs))) xxxx

I totally agree with you there Becky, and I often feel that's how my mum must feel, where you stated what that lady had said about giving up living, it must be very hard for somebody as independent as Lynn's mum to think about not being at home and coping on her own. However, if Lynn has a talk with the social services whilst she's IN there (it makes such a great difference when they're actually IN hospital than when they're at home)she gets her assessed during the time she's still IN there, then if she wants to go back home, they will make darn sure she gets ALL the help she needs, unlike before when Lynn had to get a private agency, sometimes they didn't turn up, etc. etc. etc. Also, what I found is, the social workers for the hospital wards, will only do what THEY want to do, i.e. if somebody is ready to be discharged and they want to go home, then they won't actually LET them go home and be home alone even with their own carers coming and going, unless they can make a cup of tea on their own and do something else which I've forgotten! I only know this coz I've chatted to some oldies in there when they've been waiting to go back home and live on their own. Some of them were so very upset and worried in case they couldn't make that cup of tea on their own and the fact that they might have to end up going into care which they just didn't want.

They were happy to let my mum go into her care home after her hip fracture, but they would NOT have discharged her to come back here with me because they told me I just wouldn't cope, and I know that I wouldn't now too. This way, at least she'll get lots more help than she previously had, they seem to do so much more for them when they're in that hospital bed for some reason, and quite honestly I can't fault them since I've had one round for a visit, she was more than helpful to me even though she couldn't help me at the time, at least she gave me lots and lots of helpful information for future (perish the thought!) use.

If you're not getting so involved this time Lynn, maybe suggest to Gill that she speaks to the social worker in there and get her assessed at the very least, and that way, whatever you, your mum, your sister decide is the best action for her, it can be done without leaving her in there longer than necessary. I hate to see them just lying there in those hospital wards when they could be back home or wherever that's what I'm trying to say here

Oh Lynn, please try and take a back seat this time. It is about time everyone else experienced it all, and then they can join with you in getting the Social Worker to organise some accommodation where she can be safe.
All this is only just around the corner for me, I know it. I wait for the phone call that tells me that my mum has had a fall too. She hasn't even got one of the panic alarm things as she doesn't think she needs one
Please take care, and as soon as Helena wins her million pounds on the Lottery we can all be whisked away to the desert island she will buy to get us away from all this

The problem is H is that once someone is 'medically fit for discharge' the social workers are specialist disharge team ones, who often assess them without even meeting them!
The old days of having to prove they can make a cup of tea etc also often go by the wayside, once they want those beds they'll do anything to get them out.
I had a lady whom I KNEW could not do stairs easily, and I also knew how ill she was when she went into hospital, but no she was coming home. She could pay for her own care, all sorted, BUT they hadn't bargained on having me to deal with. I asked if she had been signed off by the pysios/OT's, oh yes they said (as she had to climb stairs to even get into her flat). But I still was not convinced so I asked for a pre-discharge meeting to clarify all her needs.
Well she couldn't even get out of bed, never mind walk, nevermind stairs!
That happens a lot I'm afraid to say.... I know of much much worse too.

If you can afford to pay for your own care then it is up to the relatives to get it sorted. We have what is called 'Home First' care here, whereby you get SS care for up to 6 weeks, just to get you home and to give you time to get your own care sorted, but even that has no capacity now in our area.... so they are sitting in hospital bed in wards.

It will all come down to how good/professional the social worker is.... or whether they have been given 'targets' .

Nooo, it's the million pound house lottery I'm in and going to win!! I won't be selling it though, we'll just party away....... forever!!!!

(((((((((((((((((((hugs for LYnn)))))))))))))) coz I forget them last time!!!xxxxxxxxxxx

Helena, Becky and everyone thankyou so much for your support once again.
I am going to see her tomorrow with Gill I will bite my tongue and let the others deal with it this time if they think she is ok to go home then so be it, but I will not be picking up the pieces like before I know what I feel in my heart is best but it seems the other 3 don't and being the adopted one this is when I feel I have no right to step in and try to overide their decisions. So I will be taking a back seat this time as Gorden wants me to do.
It was really hard last night knowing that Gill had that important scan today which she missed but if they want to keep pandering to her every whim its their problem not mine this time.
They will have to pick up the pieces each time after this. This will not be the last fall I am sure. I remember saying this over the last 6 months. I know I have to start listening to Gorden about this as I am now under the Dr myself and back on the happy pills, and it got Gorden down this time too seeing me so low.
she will go her own way while left in that house with that garden but if that is what they all want thats ok, as long as they don't expect me to be the one mopping up the mess each time.
Thank God for you lot helping me through a tuff time again.
Helena the house is mine

I don't care which one of you gets the house as long as I can come to the party too!