Hi,

I left my ex in Sept 2007 and was divorced from him by Sept 2007. Since then he has interfered with my life personally, such as setting himself up with remote access to my computer and sending messages as me etc. Before I left with my SOn who is now 4 1/2, he was an aggressive, abusive bully. I was treading on eggshells ALL of the tie and felt physically sick evne when approaching the house.

I left and went to live with my Mom and her partner, who I don't get on with because it was so much bettr than staying. We were safe, happy, no stress.

If you're serious about leaving, it will be possibly the hardest thing you ever do. If your children are young, then do it now. Don't wait until it may have an adverse impact on the rest of their lives too. They can then grow up knowing happiness and a stree free life, rather than unconfortable silences or abuse of any sort.

You are able to refer yourself to Victims' Support if you need someone to talk to. Is there any family or do you have friends you can stay with at least temporarily?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Laura xx

Hey just wanted to say when my parents split up I was 15 or 16 and my sister was about 8 and my brother 12. It effected my sister the worst as she was daddy's girl (still is) and he was the one to leave. There was no abuse but there was no trust in the relationship since I was a baby and they stayed together all those years, 2 more kids and every since being about 10 or 11 I remember them asking me how would I feel if they split up, what would I do. I was really depressed as a teenager and this really messed with all 3 of us.

What I am trying to say is your kids will know more than you think they do and this will be effecting them more than if you were to just up and leave as it's a very gradual process. they are learning about how to have their own future relationships from what they see from you and your OH. I never ever remember my mum and dad kissing and cuddling each other and myself and my sister especially have been quite clingy now in our own relationships and my brother, well, he is a bit of sleeze when it comes to his relationships. He does not treat girls nicely. He's not abusive don't get me wrong, he's just not very respectful at all, which is surprising because towards his family he is very caring and respectful.

No-one should ever stay together 'for the kids', I have been that kid and even if you think you are hiding it from them, they know more than you would give them credit for and it does do more harm than good in the long run. I remember being so jealous of my best pal as her mum and dad's realtionship was clearly so different from my own parents and their family life was a lot different as a direct result, they all loved spending time together and I woul dspend most of my days round there than in my own home. I felt part of their family more than I did my own. If you want to do something for the kids, move on asap. If anything they will learn to be able to be strong enough to do the same if they ever got into a dead end relationship themselves.

All JMO of course.

I have been 'that kid' aswell- my parents stayed together for 'us kids' i was the youngest and have an older brother- it made me feel like i was the one who they stayed together for and made me feel awful. they were together until i was 17 but then my dad died.

I wish i could leave- dont get me wrong its not arguments all the time but when we do they are gradually getting more heated- and a few things have happened to, well scare me i suppose-it doesnt help at the minute as OH just been made redundent so we have a few stresses.
I dont have anywhere to go- the only family i have are my mum, who retired and moved onto a narrow boat-so is not in a position to help, my half sister (who was adopted/long story)i dont really get on with and my brother who i was really close to-he was the only person that could help but he is in prison for 5years(for something he didnt do)

sorry im rambling on lol-i'll stop boring you all now!

I'm so sorry you are in such a sad situation. Sorry, I've not got anything constructive to add to this thread, but I will keep my fingers crossed for you for that lottery win xx

oh hon, I'm saddened to read this x I hope things pick up for you soon x