So sorry for your loss

i'm so sorry for your loss. even though you were no longer with him as a partner, you were still there as a friend. you suported him when many would have walked away from his problems. you can hold your head up high knowing that you were there for him when his own son wasn't. (((big hugs))) to you and your children.

Thanks Chris, your feelings mean a lot to me.

I am sorry that Steve was on his own during his passing, although I am relieved (sorry) that I wasn't there, otherwise I would only be re living my mums passing 12 months ago (much the same). Kind of selfish really, but I am now angry that his son and his sister wasn't there.

His son is asking me to go up there and sort things out. Do you think this is my place, or should his closest do it?

My OH (Mark) is quite content to help out with it all.

What should I do? Should I bombard myself into into it, (like I would usually do ), or do I take a back seat?

Put aside what you think everyone else expects, or feels you should do or not do, then go with your own feelings. What others think or feel is right or wrong for you doesn't reflect what YOU think, feel, or want to do.

If you would like to get involved, then do so and dismiss those who criticise. If you feel that it's not want you want (not feel you should or shouldn't do because of others) to do, then explain this to his son who I'm sure will understand.

We live so much of our lives around the thoughts of others that, if we're not careful, we forget what we really want or need.

So sorry Deb Don't beat yourself up like this, you did everything you could for Steve, you were always there when he needed you, and a lot of people wouldn't have done that after a break-up, he knew you were his rock when times got bad, that was more than anyone could have wished for, to have somebody he knew so well and loved so much by his side. How many people are actually there for their loved ones at the end, very few I imagine, it rarely happens, they choose their time, and knowing what a lovely man he was, I'm sure he wanted to spare you that agony, and leave you with those fonder memories of when he probably made you laugh on those special visits you shared with him.

It's those they leave behind that have all the agony, he is at peace now with no more pain, looking down on you, and so sad that he has left you like this, in so much pain. Watch out for those signs, as I'm sure he will send you one, just to let you know he'll always be with you as he always was, just that you can't see him anymore.xxxxxx

RIP Steve, no more pain now, only for those you left behind.xxx

I am sorry for your loss. My ex died having alienated all those who had loved him so your husband was lucky to have you.
If his son has asked you to help, remember this may be simply because he doesn`t know what to do - the procedures may be daunting. So I`m sure your assistance would be invaluable but you may find being an advisor preferable to being an organiser.
X

Thanks all. You're all invaluable.

I am really feeling like POOH, and I wish he would have kept in touch more clearly, but obviously he was too poorly x

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss.

I agree with Claire, his son is probably totally overwhelmed by what needs to be done and would probably appreciate your help. However, I would caution against doing all the organising for him for a couple of reasons.

The first is that as I understand it, the person who organises the funeral is responsible for making sure it is paid for, so if you are not the executor of his will and in the position to know the expenses will be met, you could end up being expected to meet some or all of the costs.

The second one is that even well-meant help can end up being resented. When my previous partner died, his family stepped in to help organise things. To begin with, I was grateful as I was in total shock and unable to take in the fact that he was dead, let alone deal with things.

In addition, I was in a tricky position as because we had never married I was not his legal next of kin. Before I knew it, they had arranged for him to be buried near their home, many miles from where we lived together (and I still live). This was against his wishes to be cremated and have his ashes scattered at a place that was special to us near here.

Please understand I am not for one moment suggesting you would do anything like that. However, once his son has had time to reflect on what has happened, it may be that he will feel he would have done things differently and he may resent what you arranged.

So sorry for your loss{{{hugs}}}

So sorry for your loss, you did all you could so don't feel guilty. It's only natural to work through lots of different emotions when you lose someone. Just go with what you think is right.