Thanks yet again to all of you for your kind words, but I'm afraid a decision has now been made

Dave has been off work today and will be again tomorrow, and I've collared him for a heart to heart about Cassie as I didn't want to make the decisiion alone. I can see where he's coming from, when he says he can't quite get his head around how she has gone from a bouncy bundle of fun with a lump on her shoulder, to a 90 yr. old dog stiff all over and he's wondering if we've been concentrating on the lump so much that we've missed something else. I told him my feelings are that the lump, which has now grown another nodule heading for her head, is slowly eating her away inside and causing her more problems. Also the fact that it is attached so very tightly to her spine fromher shoulder, that is causing her to walk with difficulty. I say all this, and yet, although she is lying in her bed looking totally fed up with life, if I were to pick up the car keys and her collar she would find the energy to get out to the car! BUT, and this is a very big BUT, that is because this has been her life with me, always ready at a moment's notice to go wherever I'm going, even at 4.00 am. on a winter's morning to go up to the horse before work, she was always ready and waiting, bless! He agrees though that she isn't our Cassie at the moment, and I'm glad I've had an opportunity of showing him exactly what she is like during the daytime with him being home. It's very sad to see her like this, she hasn't had a good day, maybe she will tomorrow, but I feel the time has now come, not to put her out of her misery, I don't think she's in pain when she's lying down, but I'm sure she is when she's walking down the steps to get outside our house or into the car, and it's something that I just can't put myself through or her come to that, when I have to physically hold her sides to get down the steps, and her front leg is trembling as she goes to climb down. I have to bring her the long way round when she's "been" in order that she doesn't have to climbe back up the steps and of course that totally knackers her out, it's just not fair on her.

I am feeling very, very strong about this at the moment because I know I am doing it for HER sake and although Dave wants me to book the vet for Saturday so that he has the week-end at home to help him with his grief, I might be altering that arrangement if I feel she is ready before.

Yes, she got in the car this morning, but at the end of the day, that's only because she knows where she's going, and as soon as that's over so is her enthusiasm, energy, zest for life etc. etc. and as I told Dave, she is only existing at the moment, probably for our sakes, and not living a life that she should and always had. I'm crying again now as I type this, but I will be strong and make the appointment, get myself prepared, and end up in shreds afterwards, but whatever it takes I am gonna do it for my old girl, my little Princess. Whatever decision we make it will of course be the wrong one, but as I said to Dave, the vet said he can't scan her (for some reason?!!)if we x-rayed her he'd have to knock her out, and the operation is out of the question as far as I'm concerned, not only the fact that he doesn't want to do it, but I just wouldn't put her through that. If this was a severe "knock" to an old injury (which it was, an old injury in the same place), then it wouldn't be growing at such a rate, and after 3 weeks it would have gone down slightly, and of course, it wouldn't be making her so lifeless in herself.

I won't be posting in here again because I'm clutching at straws when she has a good day, I will just enjoy every waking hour with her and pray to God he takes her during the night before Saturday and if he doesn't, then I will pray that she isn't in pain whilst enjoying her last few days here with us as a family as we always were. Suffice to say, seeing her like she is today, she isn't Cassie as we know her, and I think she's trying to tell me something. As much as I hate to play God, it will be the kindest thing I do for her. I hope you agree with me, it's really tough to know whether it's right or wrong, but I feel it's right, and I think she does too.

Thanks again to all of you who have supported me through this torturous time of hell, and I will come back on if I can on Sunday to let you know she's at peace at last. I have so many gone but never forgottens who will be waiting for her at the Bridge she'll be the bouncy, happy Cassie I remember for evermore. Take care all of you, I can't thank you enough for all your help, love and kindness.xxx

Helena, i won't be around on saturday, we are going away.
But i will be thinking of you all.
Just remember we are behind you and if you feel its time, do what you need to do for her.
I hope she goes peacefully in her sleep for her and you so you don't have to face it on saturday.
I wish you all the best in this terrible situation and spend every moment you can together.

Awww....sweetie, my heart is breaking for you. I was worried when I didn't see you post earlier today that this may have been the case. As you say, you know her best and if she isn't herself and you feel her quality of life isn't there, you're making the right decision. We all know how difficult this has been for you and can only hope this post has helped you while you've been coming to this difficult decision. I'll be thinking of you, Dave, Cassie and Georgie all week and hope to see you back soon. We'll all be here when you're ready to talk to us. All our love and wags/licks from our little Cassie to your beautiful princess. xx Take care Aitch.

Dear Helena, I don't really know what to say. You have been so brave and strong and everyone knows that you will do what is right for your darling Cassie.
I will be thinking of you all.
Love Jo x

Dearest Aitch,
You must do what is right, and you know that the time is near.
All I can say is that you are doing the right thing - it's the final thing we can do for our dearly loved animals - and Cassie will thank you for it when you take her pain away. Enjoy the last few days you have together.
I shall be around Saturday afternoon if you want to ring me.
Big hugs honey - there's not much more I can say - except safe journey Princess Cassie xoxox

I just don't know what to say. You have been so strong for Cassie. It is such a hard decision to make I know, we have to put our dogs before our feelings. I am sure you know Cassie is not leading the life she would want. You will do the right thing for her out of love for her there is no question about that. I will be thinking of you all.

Oh Helena, I'm so sorry, I have no words that will take your pain away, you must do what is best for Cassie however difficult it is for you, cherish every moment you have with her, we are all here for you if and when you need us, may god give you the strength to get through this, be strong for Cassie and give her all the love you can.
Christine xx

We will all be thinking of you and Cassie and sending our Hugs and prayers for you all at this sad and hard time.
xxxxxxx

will be thinking of you all this week xx

Thanks everyone, I know you'll be thinking of us, you've been a real comfort to me throughout, and I will never forget how caring you all are. We've been through a lot together me and Cass, I know she will trust me to the end that I'm doing the right thing by her. The fight is over now for her I'm afraid, and she's fought so hard, bless her. Thanks to all of you I couldn't have got to this decision without all your support you know that.xxx