The people on the outside DO feel useless because their is nothing you can do!! Just be normal..be yourself..

My Mum was diagnosed with BC last August...and as so upbeat about it.. I fell to bits.. I lost my Dad 9 years ago when he was 53 (I was 23) and my Mum is just 57....she started Chemo in September last year and had 6 months of chemo..followed by a mastectomy and lymph node removal..followed by 30 straight days of radio and 9 months of Herceptin on top of all that..

SHe doesn't drive and the hospital is an hour away in the car..so between myself and my Aunty we did all the appointments made sure someone was there at each visiting time for the 5 days she was in hospital..

I was so drained and felt so guilty because my Mum was breezing thru it all..
She lost all her hair and got 3 or 4 different wigs and you never knew who was gonna answer the door LOL..

She has recently went back to work full time after a year off (she wasn't allowed to work as she is 2nd in charge of a nursing home..too many infections) and all is looking good..We have results to get on Wednesday of a scan she had on Monday so hopefully its all good..

The best thing you can do is be normal..

Thanks Lorna, I'm sure, she's such a positive woman.xxx

Oh yes, I can do coffee and cake with her! xxx

Thanks Vicki, I'm always there and will continue to be there.xxx

Thanks H, it shouldn't happen to such a nice genuine person, but I'm sure she'll be fine.xxx

Thanks for all of that Louise, and I'm so, so sorry to read what you've been through, to hell and back by the sounds of all of that! I'm sure you're right there when you say "just be normal" coz I had to ring her just now to check that she was ok, and I apologised for ringing again, but I couldn't stop thinking about her. She'd taken the 3 dogs for a walk around the field, had a good cry half way round, and now's she dusted herself off again and is much brighter. She said if she comes round from the op as well as she did the last time, she'll be well happy! She's still coming round on Christmas morning, and one of the sons is now cooking the lunch back at her house, but when I asked how her husband was, she got a bit down and said he isn't coping very well, but then I knew he would be like that. At the end of the conversation I did ask her whether she wants me to ring as normal, or perhaps take a step back, coz I don't want to seem like I'm ringing her too much, you know what I mean, you feel so darned awkward with how you should be, but like you say, I think if I just act myself, now that she seems to have got over the initial shock, I can't go far wrong I don't think. I'll never forget how brilliant she was for me one day up at the stables when my horse was choking, the vet had arrived, and there was me all flappy in headless chicken mode, and she was as cool as cucumber and ran home to get a kettle of hot water so he could pump his stomach and clear the blockage, I just don't know what I would have done without her that day, and many days since quite honestly, she's always been there for me every time, so I more than owe it to her to go out of my way to help her in any way I can and some! Like you say, it seems to be much worse for those around, than for the actual people going through this doesn't it. Thanks again, I hope everything stays positive around you and your mum from now on too.

Cheers H..its all about being positive I think.. If you let it get to you it wears you down..

Don't get me wrong...They have given my Mum the "all clear" so to speak but thats not to say it won't come back.. its always like a cloud hanging there..but we just get on with it..

Last year she had her a chemo treatment on the 21st Dec... and the steriods (they gave her steriods 3 days after) finished up on xmas eve.. so by that point her appetite was non existant and she felt crap.. we had Xmas dinner here and she ate a mouthful and that was that..we felt so guilty tucking in..So she is really looking forward to enjoying it this year..


Just be yourself.. I think the people with the C tend to know that people around them are more "needy" LOL.. need to know they are ok, need to know if they need anything.. I am sure you will keep her sane LOL..