I do know what your going through, i do have a dog but it's not him that has cancer *however he's got other stuff going on with him at the minute also*. It's one of our cats *which i posted about in the other bit of the forum about other pets we have*.
Our cat is also 12yrs old and i even remember the day he was born. Earlier this year in january he had a bad eye so we took him to the vets turned out it was cancer in his left eye *he's an all white cat, and they a prone to cancer*. He had too lose his left eye as it couldn't be saved and after the op the vet had told us the op had went well and he believed he had got it all out but he also told us that with animals and becasue of him being a white cat and the type of cancer he had that this type of cancer tends to come back.
Anyway about 3/4weeks ago i noticed a lump forming again where his left eye used to be, so we went back to the vets and they wanted to bring him in for a proper look at it do another biop which we arranged for on the friday that week. The vet had phoned us during the examination and told us that there was no point in doing the biop as he and another vet at the clinic he had got to look at it had felt very strongly that it was the cancer back and that the mini biop would be pointless. He said that they could do a more deeper biop but it would be very painful afterwordsfor him as they would need to take out part of his facial bone but they said it would just put him through pain which was not necessary because the two vets believed it was the cancer by just having the closer look and feel of it. So i agreed to not go ahead with the other tests as what was the point of added pain for him.
The vet told me then on the phone that i didn't need to put him to sleep now as he has know cats that can go on fine for another 6/7 months without any problems. He said as long as he was eating ok and seemed happy and normal like he was still cleaning himself and wasn't hiding away then he was happy enough to let him be for now, but want to put him on med's just to help with any pain he may have so he's on Metacam or Metacan * can't remember the spelling of the top of my head*. He's on this Metcam or Metacan *what ever way it's spelt* now for until the time comes when it gets to much for him. The vet had told me at the time, that i will know when the time is right to do the best thing for him and i now feel he was right. As at the time of getting the bad news about 3 weeks ago that the cancer was back all i could think about was losing him that same day but in a way i wasn't ready to let him go and i know he wasn't ready to let go of us either.
I still cry about it but not everyday because, 3 weeks ago when before finding out it was back thats all i did and could do, i believe it was the not knowing/unsureness and the hoping it wasn't back, then finding out it was *even though i knew myself deep down it was, as the vet had told us the first time after him losing his eye that it tends to come back* I just didn't think it would come back this quick.
I decided that it wasn't going to get the best of him and that my job is to make sure he is happy and comfortable and when the time comes that it does start getting to much for him and he's ready to let go of us then i want him to feel and know that we are ok with him to show us what needs to be done. And i want him to feel that no matter what he will not be alone as he will take bits of us with him
and he will always be with us too as he will leave bits of himself with us. Most of the time i'm being managing to be strong about it even though inside i'm a wreck, i try not to show that to him to much as i don't want to stress him out.
He is the only boy cat we have the rest are girls of course apart from our dog Bobby.
He is called Casper and he is one of the most sweetest cats you could know, he has never scrabbed anyone. He just loves to be with people to sit and be stroked and sit and look out the window *he's a house cat now* and i do feel for him as i know he would love to be outside again and i do do get very sad just watching him sit and look out the window as i know he misses the life he had.
However i have found something that does help a little and it is so rather silly
and even though you may not be in the mood as i wasn't but forced myself as i felt it would help casper and make him happy. I started putting on the radio every morning and started singing and dancing about the place like a complete nutter while doing the cleaning etc.. and i think he does like the music thorugh maybe not my singing
or dancing but i'm trying to make things seem ok for him, make him happy etc.. if you know what i mean.
I call him my handsome wee man because he is so very handsome even with just one eye and a lump on the other side of his face, he is so very handsome and i think he knows he is too
.
I tell him eveyday how handsome he is and there is also something else i tell him everyday and when on times i think he is looking sad and that he seems to be down about things and it's this that i tell him> Don't let it get the best of you because only then does it*cancer* truely win and i'm not going to let that happen. what i mean by this is, not to let it get him down and depressed as i believe then has it truely got all of you and thats the best bit off you. I do find that that helps him through this too and not just him but me too.
Cancer is an horrible thing in any shape,form, or maybe it in people or animals, and there is nothing that can be done to help. However only if you give it the best bit of you and thats your whole being i'm not talking about your body, then only then does it truely win, but if you hold on to that then you have something left and thats knowing it didn't get the best of you.
We have already made plans for casper when the time comes to do that best thing for him. We are bringing him home to bury in the garden with are other pets that we have had over the years which are also buried in our garden.
Sorry my post was a bit long.
(HUGS) too you both, you are in my thoughts. xox.