Firstly, I'd like to apologise for not replying earlier, and secondly, I've read this thread all the way through and I think you're all amazing people for the way you're all dealing with this illness. You've all had good and bad days, and you've all got through them.
I'm sure you don't need me to tell you all to take one day at a time, you'll all know that already. We're always here for anyone who wants to talk, no matter what the hour or what it's about.

I can't relate to OCD or anxiety attacks, but I can relate to depression and how it can affect people. I got to a point in my life where life didn't have any meaning at all. I had thought about suicide several times, even to the point of actually sitting in my car contemplating where the hose pipe was I hated going out, even the thought of leaving the property was a devastating thought. This place was my cocoon so to speak, leaving that safety was an unthinkable task. I had to do it though, I had kids and dogs to feed but I used to get there and back as fast as I could.

Thanks to our Inca and a great doctor, I haven't had any suicidal thoughts for quite some time now. I'm more or less back to my usual bubbly self. I do have bad days, but the good one's now outweigh them

Wolfie you have come a long way well done to you. You have come from the very bottom up congratulations.:smt038

Benzmum, I am sorry its not been so good today its just one of those things isn't it but at least you have sorted out some counselling, so thats a plus for today.

Well Guys, I have had a great day today, been shopping to pets at home, homebase and tesco. I was ready at 9 o'clock but didn't actually get out the door until 11, just messing about and putting it off, but I went. I was great in all the shops except for one little minute in tesco waiting at the checkout as usual. I went in to buy a bra but came out with 3 books, well they were on offer. So at least I have something to read even if the old boobys will be down to my knees. lol. Even had lunch out, well a sandwich in the carpark actually, I usually rush to get home but I thought I will just sit in the car park and people watch, just to stop myself from rushing home as usual. So I am very pleased with myself today. Going to give myself a pat on the back now.

I'm glad you are much better now wolfie

I thought that as well Well done benzmum

Yayy I think the people watching was a really good idea.

Thanks for the words of encouragement Wolfie and well done to you.

And Heather .... :smt041 :smt041 :smt041

What a great day you had...lunch out aswell??.

Fantastic you deserve a HUGE pat on the back :smt023

Happy reading

And thanks Myschievious for the encouragement.

OH just brought in Prescription I now have Cipramil to try - Its the side effects that get me ... May cause panic and anxiety - What is that all about!!!

That I don't know! I've seen quite a few things that are meant for something in particular then when you read the side effects it says it may cause that exact thing - it's always left me >> lol

How is everyone doing?

I have been away from PC for a while (seems like forever) trying to get broadband and failing so am using dial up so now I have huge phonebills to worry about aswell as everything else!!!

Things been up and down for me. I am off work again and have to have a metting with HR when I go back to see if this will continue to effect me (like I WANT it too )

However one major stress in my personal life has been resolved ovr the last 2 weeks and I am a lot happier so hoping that will feed some positive vibes my way. I tend to have 2 good days a week but hey thats better than none.

I have a wedding to go to in Perth today and am a tad anxious about that but I can leave at any time and sit by the river right?

I have new tablets cipramil - anyone tried then? And also got sleeeping tablets but they have NOT to be taken with alcohol so have waited till after wedding to try them.

And last but not least has anyone seen the films Punch Drunk Love or Adaptation - they are meant to be really good films about anxiety.

Hope all well

Take care
and I will post when I can

Hi Benzmum, I see you are beginning to see the positives about 2 good days a week. Haven't tried those meds so can't help there. One of my son,s got married last week and as his new wife suffers the same as us they kept it as low key and as secret as possible. Only a few of us there, she coped extremely well and so did I. My main worry was that I was going to burst into tears when the vows were being said but I kept counting flowers and focusing on stupid things, but I did it. I knew if I did start to cry it would have turned into real sobs and I would probably have ended up having to go out something I did not want to happen, as this was the first marriage with my children. I did feel so good that I coped I was on a high. We just had a meal after which was great. Although once I got home I just crashed out for a few hours, think I needed it as I had not slept for 2 nights before as I was so stressed about it. I do hope things go well for you and hey if you have to have five on your own sitting by the river or whatever don,t worry. All the best and good luck for today let us know how you get on.

Hi Heather,
That is brilliant well done to you and your new daughterinlaw. I am glad you managed to enjoy the day.
My day yesterday was also quite good. I was a bit claustrophobic in the ceremony which was in the hotel, we sat near the back, actually right at the back so I could leave if I had to, BUT after the bride came in, they shutthe doors and covered them with a curtain
Might as well have had the service in the bat cave it was very enclosed, others may call it intimate but I call it scary!! Also the sun was splittting the pavements and the heating was on, several people me included used the order of service to fan ourselves!!

But I managed to sit there and stand when asked (though did feel very uneasy on my feet - thats terrible for a 33 year old!!) Then as soon as the ceremony was over as we were at the back we were the 1st to get out of the room...and I went straight outside to fresh air. I really only new the bride and her mum, having only net the groom once which in a way was good as me and OH just sat together outside and enjoyed views of the river (water seems to help keep me on an even keel) The meal as ok too, a few moments of wanting to get up and go but I stayed and made it . After the meal I felt a bit odd and decided not to drink (almost unheard of !!) so stuck to fresh orange and we left fairly early 10ish and walked along by the river looking at the bridges which were all lit up.

But I got through the day and although it must have beenn torture for OH I really appreciate the fact he tries to understand and keep me focussed. So today is another beautiful day here but he will be dead to world till well after lunch (too much southern comfort!!!) but might try to go out again this afternoon somewhere, maybe a country pub (with an outside beer garden) for lunch. Will see what happens.

Hope you have a good day too.