travellers questions and complaints

These have been around for a while, but they're still funny

Here's a selection of questions and answers, allegedly taken from a South African tourist website...!

Q: Does it ever get rainy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres. Take lots of water...

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a List of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not.... Oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? ( Germany )
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegetarian hunter- gatherers.. Milk Is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

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Thomas Cook Complaints.

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:



1. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."



2. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."



3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."



4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."



5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."



6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."



7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."



8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."



9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."



10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."



11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."



12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."



13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."



14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."



15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."



16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."



17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."



18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."




19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

Brilliant

Hilarious, but I'm afraid typical!

I've was asked by a French policeman whether there were cows in in South Africa and did South Africans eat beef?

Was once told by an American that the reason the British drank so much tea was because we grew it in the UK?

When I lived on a remote, primitive island in the middle of the Indian Ocean and told a French friend I was going home to Durban SA, she asked if I lived in a mud hut?

I remember once asking some British friends how they'd enjoyed their holiday in Spain to be told they would have enjoyed it more if the country hadn't been full of Spaniards!

Sometimes I am really proud to be a member of the human species ... the so-called top species!!

Absolutely brilliant!!

Omg, they are hilarious...I should copy the SA ones for my vet lol