Really interesting to hear everyones stories. Thanks for sharing. Amazing how they are all quite different in some way or another.
I often find myself pondering things like this and wondering just how many people are determined to change things for the better for their own kids or, sadly, carrying on with the same kind of upbringing they themselves had if it was a bad one.
As far as I'm concerned, you can learn from the past and choose to do things differently for the better and become a stronger person for it.
Suppose I'd better tell you a bit about my background then....
My mother is a twin - they are completely different individuals. As far as my grandparents are concerned, they were treated exactly the same.
My mother went off the rails a bit and got pregnant (with me) at 16 and had me 13 days after her 17th birthday.
As I gew up, I was surrounded by drugs and alcohol and as a consequence to that suffered physical and emotional abuse from her. God knows how she managed to keep jobs going.
When I was really young, about 3 I think, my mother caught my father in bed with another woman. When I was about 4 or 5 (not sure exactly) my father b*ggered off down south and I haven't seen him since - that was around 22 years ago now. Up until I was about 7 or 8ish, he used to write and phone very ocassionally - usually drunk and in the pub. I soon got fed up with it and refused to speak to him. Haven't heard from him since, though he used to send birthday and Christmas cards with around £30 - £50 in them, that stopped a few years ago now. Not that I took the money, I didn't, I gave it to charity or bought cat and dog food with it and hadned it in to the local rescue centre. I never once used the money for myself. I didn't want it. Other than that, he didn't contribute a penny to my upbringing.
I didn't see much of my grandparents when I was growing up - went to stay with them the odd weekend - partly because she wouldn't let me and partly because I didn't want them to know what was going on as I was embarrassed and scared. So they weren't really aware until I was about 13 and, even then, they didn't know the half of it.
She seemed to have numerous partners and I've since found out she'd had at least one abortion. She wasn't going to let another child ruin her life apparently and that's why she done it.
God knows who the father was.
When I was 13 I ran out the house to go to my grandparents. She got the Police involved to bring me back again, even though I did not want to go and told them that. Cue another beating and verbal abuse. There were many of them over the years.
Eventually, she gave in and let me stay with my grandparents, her parents, but she harrassed me no end and eventually I left and went to stay with my father's parents, who I am with now. None of us are in touch with my father, as far as I'm aware. I'm certainly not and don't want to be.
When I turned 18, she was rather annoyed that she had no real control over me. Well, legally anyway. She still got to me emotionally though and this went on for a few years. She was quiet for a while, then started again. I got several phone numbers blocked including the latest number. I do not want anything more to do with her.
I wished my grandparents had tried to get custody or something but, as I said, they didn't know the half of it and they have since said they looked in to it, but risked me going in to care. Sometimes I wish I had, but then I wouldn't have the brilliant grandparents that I do now, I have to think of it like that.
Through school I was fairly quiet, I kept my head down so as nobody would suspect anything and passed all my exams in secondary school.
Anyway, I'm rambling!
I'm not sure if I want children. I was dead set against the idea but I'm slowly thinking that it might not be such a bad idea afterall, although I'm not 100% convinced yet! I certainly don't want any at the moment!
As I said previously, what didn't kill me has made me a stronger person in many ways, but not in every way. However, I am damned sure that if I did ever have any children, then they would be brought up a whole lot better than I was - they would be loved and never told they were not wanted. I would never physically or emotionally harm them like I was; I would want them to feel loved, happy and content and not constantly upset, worried and fearful the way I seemed to always be.
Wow, this a bit like therapy!