a few saucy words but VERY funny...

B & Q JOB APPLICATION



This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner
submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.

They hired him because he was so funny.....





NAME:Kenneth Way (Grumpy B****d)



SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one
who will cooperate)



DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But
seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
wouldn't be applying in the first place
- would I?



DESIRED SALARY: £150,,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair
style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
haggle.



EDUCATION: Yes.



LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.



PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.



MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.



REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job.



HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.



PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.



DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a
more intimate environment.



MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?



DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT
WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING
UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?



DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be
'Do you have a car that runs?'



HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell
me.



DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!

On my breaks - yes!



WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks
I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.



NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles



DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR

KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

***Old People Rock!***

LOl that takes the biscuit doesn't it!! Fantastic, I'd not only employ him I'd marry him!!!!!!

Not sure I'd do that far but I would love to spend some time with him, bet he'd be great to work with!

lol - love it!!

old people can be so very funny sometimes.

That is totally hillarious xxdk

Thanks Alex I loved that, wish I'd put that on some applications I've done in my time, especially the one about free time shares in Spain or wherever

Thats brilliant

Funnily enough, I had a job application form from B&Q at the weekend, its only taken them 6 months to get it to me and I'm working now!!

Go on I dare you to fill it in like he did

Yeah go on Sheree