People can be sooo complex

Picture this

Four friends - both husband and wife couples, get on like a house on fire, go out together and live the moment as if it were their last....almost the story movies are born from

Then another couple come along, who love the high life, and break the above couples up and move into their spot instead, in a very deliberate, manipulative manner.

10 months past and the removed couple are invited to a big birthday bash with the new set of 4 friends, on attending were shocked to see old friends had become like their new superficial friends, party ends badly when wife mentions to her old friends that they had changed and become just like their new superficial friends and after this the decision was made to cut all ties.

A call out of the blue comes along, husband goes to see them without the wife, as wife had moved on from it all.

Their new friends had taken off to Europe to live, owing the old friends large sums of money and have lost ties to them to ensure they will never get their money back

Old friends realise that the new friends were never friends to begin with and realised that not only did they lose money out of it, they also lost their original friendship.

They now want the friendship back with the old set of friends.

What do you reckon, should we give it

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True friends are not that superficial that they would drop the old for the new. I would be pleasant to any overtures, not discuss anything about the decamped people or money matters, and move the old 'friends' from the category of friends to aquaintances. Keep a good bit of distance in the relationship and don't be drawn into recriminations or the crocodile tears of regret. If they have done it once they can do it again Friends are precious and they do not betray or leave for greener grass.

I tend to agree with SB might be impossible to get that friendship back anyway

Hi guys, thanks for your responses.

I can honestly say neither OH and I hold a grudge against them, but I can't say I have been leaping for joy to see them again either - life has past on, (and I'm actually pretty happy with the people I know at the present time), I'm sure everyone has changed in the process, and as you say SB, true friends wouldn't have behaved this way, and I agree there is a risk that it could happen again. And I agree once again with SB not to bring up the whole issue - there is no desire from my part to do this, and I have said this to OH, that I have no interest in hearing about the woes of their former friendship, nor to hear what they lost in us.

Certainly we're no angels in the situation but we are fair and honest. If I were to see them over a beer in London, I'd be more than comfortable to say great to see you, you are looking well - and keep it light hearted and fun, but to rekindle the relationship we had, I think that ship sailed a long time ago (as you say Carole). We've met some pretty fantastic people since this episode and are quite happy with our group of friends so far - and I've learnt my lesson not to introduce them to any of our friends again


And as you say Minky people do deserve a second chance, perhaps this can be done in light of what SB has said, just keep it at acquaintance level, as the deeper currents flow with people we've since met and have found genuine friendships with

once bitten twice shy...keep them as acquaintances but no more, they cant have been true friends in the first place...

Alex
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I'd go with the aquaintence bit too - like you say you've moved on and could you trust them again ?? even if they didn't do anything it would always be in the back of your mind - we all ge sucked in from time to time but not to the extent of dropping your real friends -

Depends on how you feel about them Ingrid and it does sound as though you are perfectly happy with where you are at now.

From my point of view I'd never be able to trust them again and would be very careful about keeping my own cash firmly hidden from their clutches - just in case they were planning on tapping for a loan/gift after losing theirs. If I missed them or felt anything for them now, I'd probably meet up at some point for a social drink or something but be very cautious and not be planning on getting too involved again.

I think true friends would never see the grass as being greener - they'd miss you too much and not want to lose your friendship, even if the others offered what appears to be something more sophisticated, it just wouldn't mean anything. I think you develop friendships because of something deep inside, not what's on the outside. It doesn't matter about someone's social background or financial means - it's what they are about that matters.

But you obviously realise that anyway.

I had a friend I met at Uni who came from an ordinary, money-tight background. She was a solid person, a good laugh, a real hard worker and very grounded. But after Uni and a new job and money she changed - she became very 'up herself', slated her family and became very selfish. She ultimately expected me to put myself in a very unpleasant and upsetting situation for her wedding day and spat the dummy when I finally refused, even though I offered an alternative.
I figured the friendship wasn't worth continuing if she was prepared to treat me in such a nasty way.

I'm afraid I wouldn't welcome them back with open arms as if nothing had happened. Depends how you feel about them. Everyone does deserve a second chance but you need to decide whether you feel able to do that with them. I'd tend to do as previously said and bring them back into the fold as acquaintances rather than friends.

Thanks for your thoughts Murphy, Linda and Wuffle, points all taken on board. I guess I already knew the answer - you guys have just reiterated what was being thought - so thank you for your honesty.

HiMinky, you didn't have to edit out your thoughts, you were entirely within your right to give your opinion even if it did differ from others I do appreciate what you said.

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